I was chatting with a friend the other day about marriage and how it requires work to make a good marriage good and how nobody really discusses the actual marriage part of getting married.
So, I'm here to open the discussion to begin talking about the marriage part of getting married. Now, I'm not an expert, or a therapist. I am a woman who has been married for 18 years (just celebrated that this weekend). I love my partner, my husband (Bob) and I love the marriage we have created. That's right, we created our marriage.
Bob and I put in the work, what does that mean you ask? Well that means a lot of what I like to call "adult conversations". Adult conversations for us are a opportunity to sit down and discuss to talk, it is not yelling and arguing and walking away mad. We are adults and we know that we need to talk in order to resolve our differences or to bring to the table anything that may be concerning us.
Now, it took us awhile to get to this point of not arguing, it took us years to understand each other and what works for us. I know that Bob simply does not yell or argue, it's just not who he is. I know that if he get's quiet...that's when I need to ask questions, I need to set aside time for us to grab a coffee and talk. And likewise he knows that if I'm having all the feelings and overwhelmed he needs to take a minute to talk with me to seek to understand what's going on.
But most of all, we know the benefits of simply talking to each other to seek to listen and understand each other.
I encourage you to set aside time to have adult conversations with your partner. These don't have to be just to settle a disagreement. These adult conversations are a wonderful tool to get ahead of things to discuss what you want your marriage to be and how to create it. To layout a plan for your marriage, a plan that you both know you want so that your expectations are said out loud so that you have an opportunity to meet them.
I encourage you to work on your marriage each and every day. There will be days that stink, days that just feel yucky...and you know what? That's totally normal! One bad day does not make a bad marriage. But, if you can recognize the bad day, if you can seek to understand why? To make the time to have an adult conversation about it. Then my friend you are moving in the right direction to creating your own version of a happy marriage.
Introducing Holly Hotel Elopement Packages! I am so excited to partner with Holly Hotel (which is an upscale restaurant in downtown Holly) as they offer this amazing elopement package.
Just ELOPE! The perfect place is the Holly Hotel!
Many couples choose to elope because it's incredibly romantic and completely stress-free. It's a unique departure from the typical wedding style, ensuring your big day is all about the love you share with your partner. Our elopement packages couldn't be any easier for you and your betrothed. On the day of your wedding, you simply show up and say "I do." Then you enjoy the rest of your time sipping wine and enjoying a romantic dinner at the Holly Hotel.
An exclusive venue for your ceremony!
Bottle of Wine or Champagne
Your wedding officiant included and waiting for you!
Bridal bouquet for the bride
Boutonniere for the groom
Photography taken by our staff
A five course Holly Hotel Dinner for Two
A petite wedding cake
A personal elopement coordinator
Each additional dinner guest $45 inclusive.
Call 248.634.5208 and say "We want to Elope!"
Marilyn and Marty created a relaxing and romantic environment for their wedding ceremony at Planterra Conservatory in West Bloomfield.
They wrote their own vows to each other and as they shared them we all could not help but get lost in the moment.
Their shared smiles and looks of adoration made it easy for all of us present o see their love and to celebrate with them.
Planterra Conservatory in West Bloomfield offers a unique indoor garden for your wedding ceremony. The staff is attentive and they do such a wonderful job start to finish.
Ashley and Keith chose to keep things simple and easy breezy. They had been together for over 10 years and as we celebrated their past it was easy to see how much they love each other and how easy their friendship was.
They included a planting ceremony to symbolize the nurture and care they would give to their marriage. It was a sweet little bit and what a lovely way to remember your wedding day.
Hand Ceremony; you are asked to join hands as I or someone of your choosing reads the following:
These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and full of love for you, that are holding yours on your wedding day as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow and forever.
These are the hands that will work along side yours as together you build your future.
These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch will comfort you like no other.
These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief temporarily comes your way.
These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes, tears of sorrow and tears of joy.
These are the hands that will tenderly hold your children.
These are the hands that will give you support and encouragement to chase down your dreams.
These are the hands that will hold you tight as you struggle through difficult times.
These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it.
These are the hands that will lift your chin and brush your cheek as they raise your face to look into eyes that are filled with overwhelming love for you.
And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.
Wine Box/Love Letter; You are asked to write each other a love letter and bring them on the day of your wedding along with a bottle of wine placed in a decorative box. During the ceremony we explain that the Wine Box should be opened on your 5th wedding anniversary.
“Today _____ and _____ bring with them a love letter. I asked that they write this letter to each other expressing what qualities they liked in each other and what about their partner stood out and why they wanted to marry this person. They were asked to seal these letters without reading them to each other.
______ and _____ will place these letters in a box along with a bottle of their favorite wine and will seal this box.
The box should be put in a place of honor in your home so that when you look at it you are reminded of the love that you shared today, your wedding day.
On your fifth wedding anniversary you should open the box, share a glass of wine and read the love letters. It is a wonderful time to celebrate the years you have shared together and to be reminded of all the qualities your partner has that first drew you together.
However, if before your fifth anniversary you should have a disagreement, a moment that the two of you can not seem to find a common ground. I would suggest you take a moment to open the box, have a glass of wine and read those love letters.
Even if you are not seeing eye-to-eye at that very moment, it will remind you of all the reasons you choose this person as your partner and all the things that helped shape the life they've created together. And just maybe that disagreement won’t seem so bad and you can again find a common ground to move forward on.
In my picturesque little town of Holly Michigan is a wonderful restaurant, the Holly Hotel which I do many weddings at each year. But, they also own Red Riding Stables and you know what? They do wedding's there also!
I was so excited to share the day with many great vendors including Marci Curtis - these are here great photos! You can check her out here www.marcicurtis.com
Beyond selecting a wonderful venue and amazing professionals the couple chose to keep the ceremony personal, short and sweet. They preferred to stand facing me during the ceremony as the bride was a little on the shy side. We shared a few little details of their love story and I thoroughly enjoyed seeing the emotion of the moment take hold when it was time to share their vows, the groom stood steady with just a crack of his voice and a tear rolled down his cheek.
I enjoy performing wedding ceremonies throughout Michigan but there is something magical about finding these wonderful venues right in my own town.
Congratulations to a beautiful couple, inside and out.
Ring Warming; Your wedding rings are placed in a box or decorative baggie and at the beginning of the ceremony we announce that we will be doing a ring warming ceremony and today as we pass your rings we ask that each person hold the rings, place a kind thought upon them and pass them onto the next guest. When we do the ring exchange we remind the couple that the wedding rings you will wear have been so blessed by each of your guests today and we hope that in years to come when you look at your rings you remember your guests with love and kindness.
During this ceremony _______ and ______ will exchange rings. These rings are visible signs of their commitment to one another.
As this ceremony proceeds we ask that you, _____ and _____ community, take part in the warming of the rings. As each of you receives the rings, we ask that you take a moment to wish them health, happiness, and a meaningful life together before passing them on to the next person. When these rings come back to them, they will contain that which is priceless: your love, hope, and spirit.
[GROOMSMAN TAKES RINGS OUT AND HANDS THEM OFF TO CLOSEST PERSON IN FRONT ROW]
Please bring the rings forward.
[GROOMSMAN RETRIEVES RINGS AND BRINGS THEM TO COUPLE
Wedding bands are visible, tangible symbols of a couple’s commitment and of their emotional and spiritual connection. Many people talk about rings as being a perfect circle, having no beginning and no end. But we all know that these rings have a beginning. Rock is dug up from the earth. Metals are liquefied in a furnace at a thousand degrees. The hot metal is forged, cooled, and polished. Something beautiful is made from raw elements.
Love is like that. It comes from humble beginnings, made by imperfect beings. It is the process of making something beautiful where there was once nothing at all.
Let these rings serve as a reminder of the feelings you have in your hearts at this very moment. There are times in life that we tend to focus on the things we have not yet accomplished, there will also be times of great loss. Yet as you look at your wedding band, remember the great gift that you have been given and all that you have in one another. Remember that you have someone to share this life with. Never again will you walk alone.
Stone Ceremony; A basket of stones are set next to an empty “gathering” container; the guests are asked to hold a stone, wish a kind thought and place said stone into the gathering container, if the stones are large enough the guests may write their name on it. The stones are then set in a place of honor in the couple’s home or garden. During the ceremony the couple will each hold their own stone and think their own kind thought and place them in a container .
Yesterday I had the honor to perform a wedding ceremony at the Holly Hotel in downtown Holly, Michigan for a lovely couple! Their family and friends gathered in the upstairs of the restaurant for a intimate ceremony followed by a seated brunch. The atmosphere was romantic and all who were present were smiling at the happy couple.