I was chatting with a friend the other day about marriage and how it requires work to make a good marriage good and how nobody really discusses the actual marriage part of getting married.
So, I'm here to open the discussion to begin talking about the marriage part of getting married. Now, I'm not an expert, or a therapist. I am a woman who has been married for 18 years (just celebrated that this weekend). I love my partner, my husband (Bob) and I love the marriage we have created. That's right, we created our marriage.
Bob and I put in the work, what does that mean you ask? Well that means a lot of what I like to call "adult conversations". Adult conversations for us are a opportunity to sit down and discuss to talk, it is not yelling and arguing and walking away mad. We are adults and we know that we need to talk in order to resolve our differences or to bring to the table anything that may be concerning us.
Now, it took us awhile to get to this point of not arguing, it took us years to understand each other and what works for us. I know that Bob simply does not yell or argue, it's just not who he is. I know that if he get's quiet...that's when I need to ask questions, I need to set aside time for us to grab a coffee and talk. And likewise he knows that if I'm having all the feelings and overwhelmed he needs to take a minute to talk with me to seek to understand what's going on.
But most of all, we know the benefits of simply talking to each other to seek to listen and understand each other.
I encourage you to set aside time to have adult conversations with your partner. These don't have to be just to settle a disagreement. These adult conversations are a wonderful tool to get ahead of things to discuss what you want your marriage to be and how to create it. To layout a plan for your marriage, a plan that you both know you want so that your expectations are said out loud so that you have an opportunity to meet them.
I encourage you to work on your marriage each and every day. There will be days that stink, days that just feel yucky...and you know what? That's totally normal! One bad day does not make a bad marriage. But, if you can recognize the bad day, if you can seek to understand why? To make the time to have an adult conversation about it. Then my friend you are moving in the right direction to creating your own version of a happy marriage.